I dream of butter and beef

Today I forgot my lunch. DISASTER!

I just ran out of time in the morning and forgot to pack my snacks and the main dish. All I threw in bag was the vegetables. How will I keep my energy up for the students who are already apathetic? How will I have strength to finish the back and biceps workout? I feel like I can do negative pull-ups today. The office is usually littered with stupid snacks like donuts or cake. Today, however, there is nothing. Not even a gross, tasteless, glutenous rice cake to trick my stomach into thinking it is full and happy. Nothing.

Stay strong, stay strong. Don’t cave into the cafeteria vending machine and get a chocolate pie.

At times like these I start to curse this stupid P90X program for existing. I start thinking about why I even care for the environment and not eating animals. Life would be so much easier if I could just eat whatever I wanted and not get unhealthy…or at least not care about being sick and overweight. Why is nutrition always on my mind? Why can’t I just have less regard for what I eat like so many others and stuff my pie hole with well…pie. Mmm buttery crust, eggy filling, topped with whipped cream.

Of course, this is just my hungry stomach talking (brain, to be exact.) However, I have noticed that it has become harder and harder for me to keep up the healthy vegan habit.  I haven’t cheated (except for the ice-cream, and that one time at a sushi restaurant) but I want to all the time lately. I know some people will be quick to jump to the “that’s your body telling you need it” conclusion but I think there is more to it.

Most people  in the West grow up loving bread, cheese, butter, eggs, meat, and fish. We love having cakes for celebrations, and bacon for breakfast. Just like any other habit, the food habit is hard to shed. And just like any new habit, it is hard to establish good eating practice. Just because we grew up eating certain things doesn’t mean they are the right things to eat.  I am trying very hard to change these habits. Most days I am fine because I make delicious things (ha ha) but some days I fantasize about rare flesh swimming in a greasy pool of cheese. I am usually then taken over by incredible guilt, as if I am breaking a contract and taking the midnight train to Mexico.

How do aspiring vegetarians and vegans get over this stage? Keep experimenting with different foods (but seriously, how many different ways CAN you prepare quinoa?)

You see, I am not just trying go without animal products, I am also trying to eat healthy. It is easy to be vegan if you can scarf down sandwiches filled with avocado smothered in Earth Balance, and wash it all down with some raw chocolate smoothie. I am trying to be healthy to maximize the P90X results and, honestly, to prove to myself and everyone else out there that healthy eating is delicious and possible. But just like quitting smoking is for some people, eating healthy is an immensely difficult lifestyle change to make.

I simply wanted to share this latest development of my going vegan journey with the vast void that is the Internet. I am sure all this food talk was simply provoked by hunger. However, I am curious. How do aspiring vegans go through this tough transition when they start to miss meat and cheese? Do they go through this at all or am I the only one? How do heath food eaters keep on going? Is it just like any other habit in that you have to get used to it? Is there a timeline?

So many questions.

In the meantime, I will drink more green tea, I will not go to the cafeteria and get a chocolate pie. I will, however, get a sugary convenience store granola bar on the way to the gym (cringe.)

P.S. I made a  fantastic post-workout smoothie tonight! After all, I believe I deserved a treat after the involuntary hunger episode.  Soy milk, vegan vanilla protein powder, ginger, banana, blueberries, A LOT of spinach, and cinnamon. One word. YUM!

I wish that you will never be hungry,


Leave a comment


  1. N

     /  June 13, 2012

    word of advice: don’t tighten the screws too much – the more you tighten the more you start craving stuff and the more likely you are to brake down. change should be gradual not radical :)

  2. luthien13

     /  June 14, 2012

    After my intensive cleanse and then my vision quest I came out of the woods HUNGRY and ate almost non-stop for two and a half days. I ate everything you are talking about craving. I ate a lot of good things and a lot of not so good things, including a pepperoni pizza (with the plastic Korea cheese-yick!), mochas hydrogenated corn chips, and lately ice cream bars. The wheat and dairy and sugar and caffeine effects were almost instantaneous. I felt sick and bloated and un-nourished and unable to sleep and fatigued and couldn’t get up in the mornings, and worst of all, didn’t even enjoy them. After a few days of no rules, I’m going back to something a bit less strict, but similar to my cleanse/ no wheat diet. The memory of not even delighting in the food is what is going to keep me away from it. (PS-sushi is very healthy for you, especially if you come get some more with me sometime soon^^)

    • Wow haha, you went crazy! Hmmm, I wanted to celebrate the end of P90X with a crazy restaurant dinner but now it needs to be reconsidered :)


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